Unlikely Singularities – Chapter 89


Pussy Educational Feature: Part II

February 24, 2017

Please, Steve?”

I don’t know, Darce. I’m not very good at this sort of thing.”

You’re great at this sort of thing! Pep talks are like your jam! Your wheelhouse. Right up your alley. You are so down with-” Darcy took a sip of wine, her eyes rolling up to stare thoughtfully at the ceiling. Steve set down his knife and leaned back against the counter to wait.

Nope,” she finally continued, smiling at him. “I got nothing else.”

He laughed. “Considering I only just figured this stuff out, I’m probably not the best person to give advice.”

Oh,” she purred, eyes at half mast. Darcy lounged in one of the club chairs in the corner of the kitchen, displaying a hint of lace-topped stocking under the hem of her skirt. Her mustard blouse had a row of tiny buttons down the front that made her breasts look fantastic. Although, if Steve was honest with himself, he thought everything made her look fantastic. Or nothing. Nothing is good too. Darcy continued,

I think you have at least one juicy tip.”

That was really bad,” Steve replied, going back to his beurre blanc and reminding his cock that bad puns shouldn’t be encouraged. And that if he stopped for sex now the sauce would be ruined and they wouldn’t eat for at least another hour.

Eh, I’ve made time with worse.” She grinned and he matched it. She really had gotten him with worse lines. Not that he was ever hard for her to get. Just hard for her, he snorted at his own bad line. “So, do you want to start with your day, or would you first like to hear about mine?”

Mine’s boring,” he warned.

Most certainly. Do go on.”

Let’s see. I went for a run this morning.” He pulled out another pan for the tuna steaks and checked on his reduction. “I got back around five and had a shake and some potatoes. By the time I finished my shower, I needed to wake up my girlfriend.”

She sounds lazy,” Darcy commented, taking another sip of white wine.

Oh, she definitely is. You wouldn’t believe what it takes to get her out of bed.” Steve shifted his weight and focused on adding his herbs. Thyme, garlic, a few red pepper flakes, lemon juice. The scallions were softening nicely. It was only partially successfully in keeping his mind off of the memory of Darcy, warm and sleepy with her back pressed against his chest and her breasts thrusting into his hands as he entered her.

I think I can imagine.”

Steve cleared his throat and oiled the second wide saute pan. “I made her breakfast while she got ready.”

Darcy interrupted again, “Geez, I hope this chick appreciates you.”

Her soft bottom pressed against his thighs. She contracted around him and twisted her neck to press her lips at the hollow of his throat. Warm breath on his skin made him shiver. Her tongue laved up to his Adam’s apple and he had to slow down to get control of himself.

A little gratitude would be nice, once in a while.” Steve tried to look forlorn and neglected, but his sauce was ready for cream and a little bit of vegetable stock. Darcy blew him a kiss. “She works at a very important job, though. Very busy. After she left I finished breakfast and loaded the dishwasher.” He looked up then for approval, to be met only with skepticism. It was unfortunate that he hadn’t managed to fool her about his housekeeping abilities for a least a little bit longer in their relationship. The open bag of dirty workout clothes on the dining room floor caught his eye. And the jacket he had left on the chair next to Darcy’s. And over on the sideboard his tablet and the file of papers that needed signed. It wasn’t as if he particularly minded picking up, the problem was, he just never noticed those things until he was really looking for them. “Okay, so Buck came by with his new bike and he loaded the dishwasher while I got dressed. But I would have done it if he hadn’t just started in on it. Honest.” He clasped one hand, whisk included, over his heart. “Would Captain America lie to you?”

Yes. Emphatically, yes.” Darcy got up to refill her glass, leaning over the marble island to reach for the wine. “Do you need anymore of this?” He shook his head and covertly tried to look down her shirt while she emptied the bottle. She smirked knowingly and put an extra swing in her hips when she turned back to her seat. “So, Jimmy came by…”

You are the only one who can call him that without getting punched in the mouth. Yeah, he wanted to check out this bakery in Queens. It was okay, not as good as that place Pepper orders from – the one with the chocolate croissants.”

Starbucks has those.”

Steve didn’t dignify that with a reply.

We took a few dozen to the tower and met up with Sam for a quick workout. He headed back upstate today – took that Parker kid with him.” Steve frowned. He and Tony had nearly come to blows again over training a teenager. It had finally been settled with the agreement that Parker would not be asked, included, or ‘accidentally’ invited to any missions until Clint graduated him and they all discussed his potential membership – together as a team. Steve was hoping it would take a couple of years. “I ate lunch at Buck’s place. Now he’s out of everything that I left there – he really needs to learn to cook. Or start eating in the employee cafeteria.”

That was an unspoken and nearly constant battle between Steve and his best friend. Bucky had always had a big appetite, and Steve knew from experience that the serum burned calories like Darcy burned… pretty much everything she cooked. But unlike how the jerk would beg every woman on their block back in the day – a sweet smile and a wink got Bucky a lot of hot rolls, of both the bread and hay varieties – he hardly ever brought up food now. He ate what was provided and if no one offered then he would live on protein bars and tinned goods – and not enough of either. It was a problem for another day, and one Sam was aware of and working through.

Your new gal, Simone, went with Buck and I to the VA hospital this afternoon. She was real nice, professional and good with the vets. After the photos, we played cards for a couple of hours, and then while they went back to the Tower, I took the subway so I could get groceries and grab a snack. I ubered home, did some more work on that oils study I have going upstairs, and voila. Had a glass of wine waiting for my girl.” Steve started the fish and pulled pre-cubed butter out of the refrigerator. His stomach was rumbling, and he was thankful again that Darcy liked to eat real meals. If she had been a salad or smoothie kind of person, he would have not bothered cooking and just drank another protein shake instead. He was beginning to see them as a slow torture device for his taste buds.

I am telling you, this girlfriend sounds incredibly needy. You should ditch her and hang out with me. I’ll treat you right.”

That so?”

Oh, yeah. How about tonight, we fool around and I show you my skill set?”

Steve snorted and tilted the pan carefully to let the oil lap against the fish. One fillet for Darcy, three for him. He reached for the flake salt while Darcy started combing her fingers through her hair. He watched with interest out of the corner of his eye. “How about you stop doing that or you’re going to get burned, salty fish?”

Spoilsport.” She stuck out her tongue. “My turn. So I was rudely awakened this morning from my beauty sleep by this horrendously large man. Can you believe he had the audacity to crawl into my bed – naked? I was held prisoner there, terrified, for what seemed like hours!”

You poor, thing. Would you like me to sleep with you tonight, just to make certain he doesn’t come back?”

Oh, would you? I don’t want to impose, but I’d be ever so grateful.” She fluttered her lashes at him and undid the top three buttons on her blouse. “Thank you for the oatmeal this morning, by the way. I know you don’t like it.”

You don’t like it either. You just like putting toppings on food.”

It’s true. Oatmeal is just a carrier for blueberries and brown sugar – but it’s a warm carrier, so in February it beats yogurt hands down. Frankly, it was the only thing that fortified me for my day. There were meetings, Steve. On a Friday. Unscheduled, last minute meetings. I had just gotten rid of that moron from DARPA – really, just send an actual scientist, an engineer, I’d settle for a web designer at this point if it meant they would stop with the security dudes in poorly designed HR cover identities – I made Tommy escort him downstairs. It seemed like an appropriate punishment for both of them.”

What did Tom do today?”

Nothing,” Darcy sighed, “that I know of. But I am going to have to break down and get him cubicle walls so he’ll stop trying to talk to Simone about her skin care regimen. She’s been walking around muttering about the force strength of pencils. I think he’s going to lose an eye soon. Anyhow, by that time I had Jane’s Kyle on the phone – he still hadn’t gotten her to leave her house or the observatory, and none of the suggestions I gave him were working. I had to pull out the big guns.”

Friday shut off the power for you?”

Yeah,” Darcy nodded sadly. “I know we keep saying that Thor’s going to come back any day, and we’ll throw a bar-b-que and what he’s doing is important et cetera, et cetera, but…I think she’s having trouble believing it. Jane was never an overly social person. Too smart, even in grade school I think, to hang out with regular kids. And then in college it was tough to be the minority woman who outshone all of her peers and everyone laughed at for her crazy ideas. But she’s got to make some friends, Steve. Or I’m going to have to relocate.”

A brief moment of panic overtook Steve, until his planning skills kicked in. If Darcy need to office out of the upstate facility, he could do the same. He’d just rearrange his schedule to stay at the Tower whichever days she needed to be in New York. Base housing wasn’t the best, but he was certain he could find something nearby that was a little more homey. He made a mental note to talk to Clint about it.

Doesn’t matter,” she waved it off and curled her feet under her. “Kyle got her to the cafeteria and he sent me a pic of her chatting with Laura Barton and Wanda, so I am feeling pretty good about her prospects.”

You sound like you’re setting her up for marriage.”

Steve,” Darcy looked at him from under her brows seriously, “This is female friendship. The most treacherous and delicate of interpersonal relationships. It’s like shark week without the cage and instead blindfolds and pitch black water. There is blood, Steve. Blood and carnage and snippiness and psychological trauma. Marriage is a cakewalk in comparison.”

Steve shoved a teaspoon of sauce into his mouth to keep from saying anything.

Maybe you need some personal experience.

If it’s so easy, why don’t you and I go look at rings?

Come upstairs and I’ll do my best to make you say yes.

So, Vernon brought me lunch. He’s a godsend, I swear. I should thank Thor for such a capable assistant. And then I actually managed a few hours of real work until I got this.” She held out her phone, but from across the kitchen all he could make out was that it was a picture of him, Bucky, and Sam, maybe in front of the Tower. “FYI, you’re an internet sensation.”

Excuse me?” He whisked evenly, but raised his eyebrows at her.

“’Captain America Gives Captain Planet a Run For His Money’”, she recited. He knew he looked confused, because he had no idea who Captain Planet was. “It’s from an early nineties cartoon. During the decade of my youth, America was all about recycling and saving the rainforest and schoolchildren learning important moral lessons through the conduit of television. Captain Planet and his Planeteers were the oddly blue embodiment of sorting aluminum, halting deforestation, and just saying no to Mary Jane. The drug, not Petey’s friend.”

The moniker clicked for him. On their way out of the building with Simone – Sam had been headed to a motor pool car – some kid had got up and left a bunch of trash on one of the plaza benches. Steve had called him out, and Bucky had followed the kid back to the bench, and then watched him sort out his plastic and paper to make sure he did it correctly. Sam had spent the whole time cheerfully talking about how much he preferred reusable water bottles and his favorite food truck that had biodegradable containers. Apparently someone had gotten it on camera.

Tommy – using the fifty-percent of his brain power delegated to amazing ideas and not the thirty percent used for Golden Girls trivia or the ten percent that has cataloged every design trend since nineteen-oh-one – came up with the idea when he saw it. The original poster hashtagged it ‘communism’.” Steve bristled on Bucky’s behalf. “Tommy came up with this whole campaign to vote which Avenger was which out of the Planeteers and he put together this hilarious gif of Bucky scowling at various minor community nuisances. ‘The Soldier is watching. Recycle.’ ‘The Soldier is watching. Pick up your dog doo.’ Some of the staff voted for, ‘The Soldier is watching. Don’t Be a Dick.’ I reluctantly shut that one down, but the internet thought of it anyhow. It’s gone viral.”

I’m…not sure what to say.” Steve pulled out plates and began serving. It wasn’t negative, but he was never quite sure where the line was between laughing with and laughing at when the medium was digital. Darcy’s expression gentled and she stood to lean against the island again.

Today, Bucky is known around the world for his dedication to cleaning up the environment and making the world a bit nicer place. No one is talking about assassinations or brainwashing. Tomorrow that may change, but for today, the public is only wondering if he’d make a better Kwame or Wheeler. Personally, I think he’s a secret Ma-Ti.”

Steve brought their plates over to the table and Darcy poured him a glass of milk and got herself water. Conversation fell quiet for a few minutes while Steve ate his first fish fillet – good, but could use more red pepper, maybe a pinch less salt – and Darcy made obscene noises.

Steve, oh god, this is so good. You have no idea. You’ve never lived on ten cent a package Ramen cooked in a coffee pot and stale pop tarts. If I wasn’t already planning on it, I would totally blow you for this. But, you know, in a classy way.”

Steve blinked, turned on but also mildly concerned about Darcy’s ratio for compensation of decent food.

Anyway. You’re trending. Bucky is practically crashing servers. Sam got another tentative offer for sponsorship – water bottles this time. That lucky, handsome devil. Tommy retained his job – again. You’re going to explain to Vision about dating. Jane made friends. And I am not wearing any underwear. I think it’s been a pretty good Friday. Don’t you?”

She blinked at him as innocently as she was capable of, which wasn’t that innocent, and took another delicate bite of food. “What did you put on these radishes? They’re sweet. Were they in the oven? I didn’t see you put them in the oven.”

I will tell you whatever you want-”

And talk to Vision.”

And talk to Vision,” he agreed, not even hearing what he was saying. “But you have thirty seconds to finish chewing and then I’m going to have dessert.”

Oh?” She bit her lip and Steve carefully set down his fork. “Is it cake?”

Not even close.”

His food tasted just as good, if not better, heated up a few hours later.